Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
