Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
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