i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
