I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
