Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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