I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
