I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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