She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
