i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
