non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
