there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
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I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
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We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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