She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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