i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
