my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
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My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
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I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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