last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
