i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
