so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
She tied me up with her honor cords...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
