I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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