So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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