I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
