whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
