just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
