Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
