im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Are we still banned from the library?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
