He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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