I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
