How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
