So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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