omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
