I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
