i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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