Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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