Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
