Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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