Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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