I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
