rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
