I cannot find my penis.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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