I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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