fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
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All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
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Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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