Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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