So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just invented taco cereal.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
