Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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