im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
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There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
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I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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