If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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