North Korea, Best Korea!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
