That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
