i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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