I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
