I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Damn victory sex feels great
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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