we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
