Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Shame - the story of my life.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
