What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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