A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
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I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
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It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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