no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
