I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
