Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
