It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize