Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
