I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
