last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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