i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
