Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
this just has baby written all over it
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
