we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
