I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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