just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
