oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
