How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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